Grief During the Holidays

If you’re grieving the death of a loved one, the holiday season will most likely have a different feeling around it than it used to. You may find it challenging to face the holidays without your loved one physically with you.

I hope this article will give you a greater sense of peace and love this holiday season.

This topic is very personal to me. I remember the first Thanksgiving after my only child died unexpectedly, followed by the unexpected death of my mother just three weeks later. Although it had been four months since their deaths, I was still in a state of shock and didn’t know how to deal with the holidays or know what to expect. 

We had just moved from Michigan to Arizona to be near my husband’s family, and it was our first holiday season with his family. I became sick the week of Thanksgiving, and it felt like my digestive system had shut down. I couldn’t eat for over a week and spent a day in the ER without answering why I was sick. I got home from the hospital, and as I lay in bed, I suddenly released deep, gut-wrenching sobs I didn’t expect. It was as if I’d been holding intense sorrow inside of me that finally had to come out. I decided that what I needed most for Thanksgiving was to stay home and rest, and I honored that.

For Christmas, I decided to decorate in themes that my daughter, Keira, loved, and I made foods that both my mom and Keira enjoyed. I lit candles for them and reflected on gratitude for the experiences we had together in life and the love that still continues with them between worlds. I talked to them because I know they are still with me - just in a different way.

I’m also an evidential medium. I help grieving women connect with their loved ones on the Other Side and find hope, healing, and purpose in living after loss. What I’ve found is that everyone experiences the holidays and what is most helpful for them to navigate them in their own ways.

Here are some ways you may find helpful to care for yourself this holiday season. I invite you to explore these tips and see if any resonate with you or inspire you to create your self-care plan:

Remember that your loved ones in Spirit really are still with you. Loved ones on the Other Side tend to spend even more time around their loved ones on Earth during the holidays, but it can be difficult to sense them if you’re in a lower state of grief. Talk to them, spend time in solitude tuning into your intuition to sense them.

• Grief is not one emotion - it is a ball of emotions that can sometimes feel tangled up, ranging from peace, love, and gratitude to shame, blame, and sorrow. Your loved ones in Spirit live on a higher energetic frequency than you do. Emotional states have a big effect on the level of your energetic frequency, so the more you can authentically remain in the higher vibrating frequencies of love, peace, and gratitude; the more ease you’ll have in sensing and connecting with your loved ones on the Other Side. Expressing the lower vibrating emotions in healthy ways and shifting your perspective on life, death, and life after death can help you be in the higher emotional frequencies. Journaling, breathwork, getting an evidential medium reading, getting support from an Empowerment Coach, listening to music that helps you express your emotions, and taking a break from your “to-do” list can help with processing emotions.

• If you have living children that you are trying to be strong for and provide a sense of joy for the holidays, you may find it helpful to ask yourself what you need in order to be present for them. Holding emotions in can backfire over time. Support could look like asking friends or family to help with routine holiday activities (like Christmas shopping, baking, hosting at their house instead of yours, etc.). Taking time to yourself and finding healthy ways to express your emotions can be helpful too.

If the loved one who died was a significant relationship, you might find that grief doesn’t end, but it changes. I’ve found that for myself and the clients that I support, it is not time that changes the nature of grief; it is your perspective that does.

I hope that you’ve found some inspiration to create your self-care plan for the holiday season, as well as any other dates (like birthdays and transition days). Your loved ones on the Other Side really are still with you, and you can learn how to experience love between worlds.